Parenting Teens: Social Media and Mental Health Challenges

Does your teen seem to suddenly have unusual behaviors you’ve never seen before? Do they seem obsessed with talking about their mental health condition? Do they use it as an excuse? Do you wonder if their symptoms are real or not? If you answered yes to any of the above, this article is just for you!

Parenting teens is hard enough. We have established in previous articles how teens return to this egocentric period where they are more self-centered, self-focused, and hold this attitude that the world revolves around them. Yes, this is a normal part of child development. It is still important to teach them how to think of others and practice selflessness. They also are forming their identify and searching for things that make them “them.” While this is already a hard period, it is further complicated by the pandemic (i.e., social isolation) and the world of social media.

Just like adults, teens just want to feel understood and like someone really gets them. They may reject the notion that you truly get them and feel like you miss the mark. The truth is often somewhere in the middle. You get them in ways they don’t understand, and you also miss the mark in small and big ways. What is fascinating about this current generation of teens is how open they are about mental health. There seems to be less stigma, more help seeking attitudes, and more curiosity about mental health. I am truly grateful for this in many ways. More people are getting help than ever before.

While teens are more open to mental health, there is still a stigma about seeking or needing help. It may be perpetuated by parents. Many struggle to reach out to friends to ask for support or help. They want to be seen as the strong ones who are self-reliant. They are there for everyone else in need. Needing help might be a perceived sign of weakness, but is it really? Reaching out for help:

a) takes enormous emotional strength because it is the harder to be vulnerable.

b) helps you connect on a deeper level with yourself and with meaningful relationships.

c) creates opportunity for others to be more vulnerable with you.

d) normalizes your struggle and helps you find comfort knowing you are not alone.

Is This Just a Fad or Is my Child Really Struggling?

On the flip side, there seems to be an interesting phenomenon or fad occurring where it seems almost “cool” to have a mental health condition and have a therapist. These teens often look up mental health disorders on TikTok and other social media platforms. They may even feign symptoms aligning conditions like autism, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, tic disorders, etc. They often believe and have convinced themselves they have a mental health condition with or without consulting with professionals. Signs it might be a fad?

a) Sudden onset of symptoms

b) Symptoms are exacerbated suddenly

c) Obsessing about the condition and talking a lot about it

d) Consuming more online information about the syndrome or disorder

As parents of teens, it is important to teach teens how to be wise consumers of information, while carefully validating your teens experience. If you invalidate them, they will likely dig their heels in more. So how do you carefully teach them to not believe everything you hear and see on TV or social media. From Very Well Family, Sherri Gordon eloquently wrote, “The goal of media literacy is to help kids become wise consumers of media, develop critical thinking skills, find trustworthy sources of information, and express their ideas respectfully.” It is important to teach teens, and kids for that matter, critical thinking skills and how social media platforms use algorithms that inherently promote self-fulfilling biases! It is important to teach teens how to be good consumers of information, by asking the following:

a) Where did this information come from?

b) Should I do a little more research?

c) Is this person or content reliable or trustworthy? Where do I go to find reliable information?

d) Does the person(s), content, or platform have ulterior motives? Money? Attention?

e) Why do I keep getting similar content in my feeds?

f) Does the content I watch confirm many of the ways that I believe or see the world? Do other people have different points of view?

g) Do people just post the good stuff?

While some of the information on social media platforms might be true, there is a lot of misinformation out there as well. Plus, the social media videos, stories, and reels are down to bit size nuggets (60 secs or less) of information, which takes clinical psychologist years in the classroom and working with individuals with mental health conditions to learn how to diagnosis and differentially diagnose, because so many symptoms can overlap. I encourage you to…

a) Consume information with them.

b) When they bring up something, talk about it with them and ask them these tough questions above.

c) Ask them if they know how to tell if something is credible or trustworthy?

d) Teach them how to tell if a source is reliable and where to look for it. Most reputable journalist and trustworthy social media content creators will share 2 sides of a story, report their sources, and/or have professional degrees.

Regardless, whether it’s a fad or real, I am concerned…

Sometimes it does not matter whether it is a fad or something real. Parents are often confused and/or overwhelmed with what to do and everything going on in their lives. Parents may be dismissive, which I can completely understand. These are all normal feelings and reactions. I think parents often hope that it is just a fad, and it will blow over soon. Below are questions that might help you know when to seek out professional help for your teen.

·       Is there a sudden change in behavior? Dress? Appetite?

·       Are they arguing, irritable, or shutting down more?

·       Are they cutting or engaging in other forms of self-harm?

·       Are they less interested in the things that they usually enjoy?

·       Is there a sudden decline in academic performance?

·       Are they isolating more or withdrawing from friends?

·       Is there a drastic mood change or slow decline in their mood?

If you answered no to the questions above, try to roll with it. Allow them to explore their identity. Allow them to be different. Validate their experiences and feelings, which is very different than validating behaviors. Remain calm and neutral unless it harms themselves or others. Have them explore the pros and cons of the beliefs, ideas thoughts, and feelings they hold. It can sound something like this:

Script: “I noticed you are staying in your room a lot and started wearing different types of clothing. I want to check in with you to see what’s up.”

(Pro tip: Ask few questions and listen to them by either joining them in a workout session, driving to get Starbucks, getting your nails done, going for a walk or drive, etc.)

Script: “I hear that you have watched or seen things on TikTok that you really identified with. It sounds like                    you have multiple personality disorder (Fill in the BLANK). So, I am interested in learning more about this. Tell me what you have learned.”

a.     you are convinced

b.     you have really questioned whether

c.      you wonder if

d.     you know

Be curious! Ask questions, seek information, and try to be open about it. Yes, this is so hard for parents. They often want to interject, share their concerns, but the best thing you can do is to listen in an open way without judgment. Try not to ask leading questions! We are doing a back-door method of teaching them and helping them to come to their own conclusions. This helps them come up with long term change, maintains the connection with your child, and teaches critical thinking skills. After listening, maybe try to follow up with the following example.

Script: “It seems like you are really going through a lot right now. You really might struggles with (Fill in the BLANK). I know that lots of mental health and medical conditions can have overlapping symptoms. I think it might be a good to consult with a mental health professional or you pediatrician about it. If you really do have this condition, I know I want you to get the help you need. What do you think?”

Does your teen use their mental health conditions as an excuse?

What happens when your teen really does have a mental health condition? What is an excuse vs. a legitimate reason they struggle with schoolwork, socializing, turning in their work, etc.? Does your teenager use their mental health disorder as an excuse to justify their behavior or actions? Is this a real thing they are struggling with? How do you know? How do you tell? When do you seek professional help?

a. It is important to talk with teens in an open, curious, and non-judgmental way. When they feel like they have to defend themselves, whether it is real or perceived, they shut down. You want your teen to feel comfortable talking to you about their experiences. Just because you listen and stay neutral, does not mean you are agreeing or condoning them.

b. Let them do the talking. The more you try to convince them otherwise, the more they tend to dig their heels in and feel like you just don’t get it and understand them.

c. Once you listen in the most open and non-judgmental way, then ask lots of questions to get them to think.  

Script: “I noticed that you have been saying you can’t do your schoolwork (Fill in the BLANK), because of your ADHD (Fill in the BLANK). I am struggling to understand, but I want too. Please tell me what it is like for you.”

Script: “I hear you. You’re feeling upset like you can’t do this. I wonder if there are ways, we can work together to help you. Why don’t we both come up with some ways to problem-solve the issue.” Follow the Collaborative Problem-Solving steps below:

Problem-solving Steps:  

1.     It is important to both generate ideas and not discourage ones that are ridiculous. All are okay and valid for this exercise.

2.     You both want to discuss some of the pros and cons of each solution, and then both pick the top solution that BOTH agree on.

3.     Try it out, and then see how it went. Did it help? What worked and what didn’t? Do you guys need to come back to the drawing board and problem-solve again or different obstacles that came up as a result?

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