Meet Dr. King and Dr. Boddy! We Help You Build Strong Relationships
Dr. Cynthia King
I am Dr. Cynthia King and I am a Clinical Psychologist. I am so excited to be one of the co-founders of FemFwd with partner in crime, Dr. Arianna Boddy. I have been practicing as a psychologist for close to ten years.
Why Healthy Relationships are Important to me
My mother wasn’t taught much from her mother about healthy relationships. Turns out, my grandmother wasn’t taught much either. I imagine this cycle continues in this pattern to my great great great grandmother and beyond. That means that a lot of really ineffective things were passed down to me like using the silent treatment instead of talking out feelings or doing anything to avoid having to share with people what I actually wanted or needed. There is a deep mistrust of relationships on the maternal side of my family. Growing up, I’d notice those roots in me when I was having trouble leaning into relationships.
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
As a woman, I was also raised with some strong ideas about what it means to be a woman in relationships. At the core of some of these ideas is that the more self-sacrificing I was in relationships, meant that I was being a better woman, mother, wife, and friend. This led me to deprioritizing my wants and needs in relationships, meaning I was really good at attracting one-sided relationships where they were getting a whole lot out of the relationship and I was getting a whole lot of nothing. It also led to resentment, loneliness, depression, and the belief that I was undeserving of a truly reciprocal relationship.
It impacted what I asked for in my marriage and if I even asked for it at all. It impacted how I thought about whether or not I wanted to become a mother. I wondered if I could fulfill this self-sacrificing, nurturing symbolism that is motherhood. I wondered if I could form a healthy, secure attachment/relationship with my child. That thread of distrusting relationships and my ability to be enough was nagging at me again.
Breaking the Cycle
There have been two main paths to my own healing. The common denominator in this has been healing through safe and corrective relationships, and this includes being on the other side of the couch in my own therapy. Motherhood has thrust me into even more self-exploration and it has been a necessity that I look at what I didn’t get as a child. I have learned just as much about nurturing myself as I am nurturing my sons.
The second part to my healing is that as an adult I have had the immense fortune of incredible female friendships, in addition to a supportive husband. I have relationships in my life that have taught me what it is to feel loved without judgment, how to set and respect boundaries, and how to safely speak up about how I’m feeling and what I am thinking. I have learned how to get what I need from relationships and that I am worthy of having healthy, reciprocal relationships.
Additionally, therapy, yoga, and being outside have helped me to slow my body and mind down enough to look inside and be vulnerable with myself about who I am and what I need/want from relationships. From these experiences and my own healing (which is still in process and I hope always is), a passion for helping women with their relationship was awoken. Through education and information I believe we can all develop the skill set needed to develop self-worth and live that out in mutual, loving, and healthy relationships.
Dr. Arianna Boddy
I am Dr. Arianna Boddy and a Clinical Psychologist. I am excited to be a co-founder of FemFwd with my best friend, Dr. Cynthia King. I have been practicing as a psychologist for close to ten years
Why Healthy Relationships are Important to me
I am a fiercely-loving, loyal, extremely driven, hard-working, and determined woman, in a tiny, 5 feet and barely 1-inch (and trust me I’ll stand on tippy toes to get to that 1 inch), dynamite package. I wanted it all and thought I could have it all. I wanted a career. I wanted to be a wife and a mom, and have a happy and healthy home. That “having it all” dream came crashing down pretty hard once I became a mom.
No one ever talked to me about the struggles I would face trying to balance it all. There are so many myths about what it means to be a good mom. Should I be a stay-at-home-mom? Should I breastfeed and make homemade food? Should I work full-time or part-time? Can I have a career and continue to own a business or should I work for someone else? How can I also be an attentive, devoted wife? How do I also try to juggle my meaningful friendships? Where is my “me time”?
There is nothing like becoming a mom that makes you face your own demons. Each of my parents experienced some significant hardships in their lives. Life was all about surviving either physically or emotionally for them. Because of their adverse childhood experiences, my grandparents, and my great great grandparents, were also just trying to merely survive. Due to this cycle, I learned some really unhelpful ways of managing relationships. They even have a word for this now and that is intergenerational trauma.
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
As a result, I made many not so helpful choices with boyfriends, school, and friendships because I struggled with mental health and my identity. Needless to say, I had issues! I clung to unhealthy relationships because I did not have an emotionally available parent with whom to form a healthy connection. While I take full responsibility for my own decisions, I also acknowledge that boundaries, healthy communication patterns, and secure attachments, were not taught or modeled for me. Therefore, I have a lot of empathy for others and a lot of self-compassion.
Breaking the Cycle
I just knew that I wanted this intergenerational trauma to stop with me. When I was about 14-years-old, I knew I wanted to be a child psychologist. I loved helping people and, truth be told, I wanted to better understand myself. I made it my life mission to be the healthiest version of myself in order to break free of the cycle. Little did I know that after having kids, I would become embolden and more passionate about helping other women overcome their past and teaching them that they can also have fulfilling, healthy, and secure relationships.
While I am definitely not perfect or free from my past, I am devoted to continuing my journey. It has been the best decision I could have ever made. It has positively impacted my relationships with my siblings, friends, family, husband, and children. Becoming whole and secure with ourselves does not happen in a vacuum or overnight. It is a life-long journey and I promise you will NEVER regret it. It is the BEST decision I ever made!!!