I am Dr. Arianna Boddy and a Clinical Psychologist. I am excited to be a co-founder of FemFwd with my best friend, Dr. Cynthia King. I have been practicing as a psychologist for close to ten years
Why Healthy Relationships are Important to me
I am a fiercely-loving, loyal, extremely driven, hard-working, and determined woman, in a tiny, 5 feet and barely 1-inch (and trust me I’ll stand on tippy toes to get to that 1 inch), dynamite package. I wanted it all and thought I could have it all. I wanted a career. I wanted to be a wife and a mom, and have a happy and healthy home. That “having it all” dream came crashing down pretty hard once I became a mom.
No one ever talked to me about the struggles I would face trying to balance it all. There are so many myths about what it means to be a good mom. Should I be a stay-at-home-mom? Should I breastfeed and make homemade food? Should I work full-time or part-time? Can I have a career and continue to own a business or should I work for someone else? How can I also be an attentive, devoted wife? How do I also try to juggle my meaningful friendships? Where is my “me time”?
There is nothing like becoming a mom that makes you face your own demons. Each of my parents experienced some significant hardships in their lives. Life was all about surviving either physically or emotionally for them. Because of their adverse childhood experiences, my grandparents, and my great great grandparents, were also just trying to merely survive. Due to this cycle, I learned some really unhelpful ways of managing relationships. They even have a word for this now and that is intergenerational trauma.
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
As a result, I made many not so helpful choices with boyfriends, school, and friendships because I struggled with mental health and my identity. Needless to say, I had issues! I clung to unhealthy relationships because I did not have an emotionally available parent with whom to form a healthy connection. While I take full responsibility for my own decisions, I also acknowledge that boundaries, healthy communication patterns, and secure attachments, were not taught or modeled for me. Therefore, I have a lot of empathy for others and a lot of self-compassion.
Breaking the Cycle
I just knew that I wanted this intergenerational trauma to stop with me. When I was about 14-years-old, I knew I wanted to be a child psychologist. I loved helping people and, truth be told, I wanted to better understand myself. I made it my life mission to be the healthiest version of myself in order to break free of the cycle. Little did I know that after having kids, I would become embolden and more passionate about helping other women overcome their past and teaching them that they can also have fulfilling, healthy, and secure relationships.
While I am definitely not perfect or free from my past, I am devoted to continuing my journey. It has been the best decision I could have ever made. It has positively impacted my relationships with my siblings, friends, family, husband, and children. Becoming whole and secure with ourselves does not happen in a vacuum or overnight. It is a life-long journey and I promise you will NEVER regret it. It is the BEST decision I ever made!!!