Mom Burnout: Finding Balance
When I was child, teen, and young adult, I had no clue what it meant to be a woman, have a family, and a career. By this I mean, making sure the kids are fed, dressed (maybe clean clothes), hair and teeth brushed, proper coats or clothing to match the weather, remembering to warm up the car in winter, ordering or picking up groceries, scheduling and making sure the children get to their after-school activities, checking if the pets are taken care of, and the list goes on and on and on.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great partner, and we dole out responsibilities pretty well. However, the way I try to explain it to my husband is that the cognitive or mental load (a.k.a. executive functioning skills to plan, manage, and execute) is stacked pretty high in my favor. When working and talking with many women, this seems like a pretty normal dynamic in many family systems.
Sometimes, it can be downright exhausting. People frequently tell me…”I do not know how you do it!” A vacation in the mountains or by the ocean away from my children and all technology would be nice. A retreat! However, this is sometimes just not feasible. Below are ways that have been particularly helpful as I try to juggle it all. This is by no means a one-size fits all approach. It is simply what has helped me, which also shares components from a therapy approach called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Stress Busters: 4 Tips for Mother’s
1. Acceptance
I know this sounds either ridiculous or trivial; however, I have learned that the more I fight whatever it is I am struggling with, I tend to deal with more emotional suffering. It is not the same as surrendering, but rather it is a face-to-face acknowledgement that life is just really hard, right now. This is a therapeutic approach that is commonly found for treating anxiety-based disorders (e.g., obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.), but is also useful with or without a mental health condition. If interested in this approach check out the self-help book, ACT Made Simple, Second Edition.
2. Communicate and Ask for Help
I grew up believing I could do it all on my own. After having kids, I learned I need a lot of help and support. When I am struggling, I have realized I needed to communicate with my partner or others about how I am feeling. Often, this alone seems to help a little by creating some breathing room. It also gives my partner an opportunity to show ways he could love and support our family. When we both have a hard time juggling it all, we have learned to ask for help from others.
Ask trusted family members to help you.
Call upon a trusted neighbor.
Find a reliable and vetted babysitter
local Facebook babysitters page.
Set up a babysitting share community with friends with children and rotate childcare.
Scheduling a day off for you and/or your partner when your kid(s) is in daycare.
3. Self-care
It can be hard to fit in. These can be quick moments needed to keep your sanity or longer stretches within a day. Self-care are things that make you feel centered and like YOU again.
Mom Burnout Symptoms
Irritable
Snappy/ lashing out
Lack patience
Change in parenting style
Lack of energy
Lack of basic hygiene (e.g., brushing your teeth, showering)
Skipping meals or overeating
Take mini-breaks! When you have small kids and are home alone, it will be harder to catch your breath. You may not even realize you need a break, but others might. During stressful times, it is healthier and more effective to put the TV on and let the kids watch a show, so you can recharge. You and your kids will be better off for it! Mini-break ideas:
Shower
Bath
Walk to the mailbox
Walk around the neighborhood
Take the trash in
Listen to calming music
Play a show, podcast, audio book, or a show with Bluetooth ear buds from your phone
Mini yoga or workout session at home (i.e., Peloton, Daily Yoga, etc.)
Ask partner for a shoulder massage
Ask a friend/neighbor to watch the kids to get away for 15-20 minutes
If you are able take to take longer breaks, too! Here are some ideas.
Do something that reminds you of the old you!
Massage
Workout
Manicure/pedicure
Time with friends
Leisure shopping
Go for a walk
Catch up on errands ALONE
Sign up for a hobby class (e.g., pottery, painting, music lessons, etc.)
4. Trim off the extras
Find ways to simplify your life. What can be cut out? What can be simplified? I have had to do A LOT of this recently. We decided we are doing a Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year. We will uphold Elf on the Shelf and stocking traditions along with festivities, but the rest will stay packed up. We realize that we hope to have lots of opportunities to go big in later years, but for very real reasons, we need to keep it simple. What kids really remember is feeling loved, believing they are good enough, and having fun!
Relationship Advice For Women
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