Types of Boundaries
Boundaries Definition
Simply put, setting boundaries is setting personal limits. It’s you communicating to others (and to yourself) how you expect to be treated. Ultimately, boundaries are about honoring your values, needs, and feelings.
Having and owning your boundaries says “I matter and how I feel and move through the world matters, too.” The purpose of boundaries is to keep you safe and they allow us to focus on what we think is important. Boundaries are preventative because when we are aware of our boundaries then we can communicate them prior to a violation.
Types of Boundaries
There are different types of boundaries. These include physical, emotional, sexual, time, material, and spiritual.
Physical Boundary
Physical boundaries set limits around our need for personal space, how much or how little physical contact we prefer, and are about meeting our needs regarding food and rest.
Physical Boundary Example
Examples of statements/actions that represent physical boundaries:
“I understand it makes you feel safe to carry a sidearm. We do not allow guns in our home. If you’d like to come over, please leave your gun in the car or at your home.”
“I’d love for you all to come over for dinner. It’s important to me that we start dinner early because I’ll need to wrap up the evening around nine in order to get enough rest.”
“It’s OK if you are not up for a hug from grandpa. Are you willing to give him a high five or a wave?”
It may also mean moving over or stepping back if someone gets too close.
What is an Emotional Boundary?
An emotional boundary is one that protects your right to having your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. It also serves to remind you are not required to tend to other people spilling over of emotion. It is the right to make your thoughts and feelings the priority. I’m not suggesting that you be disrespectful or not care about others feelings or experiences, rather I am saying that it is important for there to be mutual respect and for there to be times when self-preservation in an interaction is prioritized.
Examples of emotional boundaries
“I can hear that taking care of your mother is very taxing. I am sorry you are going through this. I am also noticing that other folks aren’t having a chance to share about their lives in the conversation. I’d like to hear about what is going on for other people, too.”
“I am not willing to discuss that right now.”
“The last time we were together you said hurtful things and now you're inviting me over as if nothing happened. I am not willing to engage with you like nothing happened. It’s important to me that I share my point of view so that we can repair our relationship and then move forward.”
An emotional boundary could also be you honoring your need to open up very slowly in relationships and to only communicate that preference or the reasoning behind it if you chose to.
Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries are about your right to consent, your limits, and preferences regarding sexual intimacy.
Sexual Boundaries Examples
“I am not comfortable with that.”
“I’d prefer that you don’t discuss our sex life with your brother.”
“No.”
It could also be your personal beliefs about when sex is appropriate (i.e., after marriage, after a certain amount of time, after STI testing and provided documentation, etc.).
Time Boundary
A time boundary is exactly what it sounds like. They are limits and preferences around how you choose to spend your time.
Examples of Time Boundaries
Examples of statements/actions that represent time boundaries:
“I am not able to work on Saturday. I reserve the weekends for my family.”
A time boundary might also be choosing not to spend your time with certain people or doing certain activities because it does not bring you enough joy or satisfaction to feel like it is a good use of time.
Material Boundaries
A material boundary is protecting your resources or possessions. My husband has very strong material boundaries and this is also why he can have something for years and then sell it for as much or more than he bought it. He keeps his things in perfect condition. Yes, he was the kid who did not take the tag off his beanie babies.
Material Boundaries Examples
Examples of statements/actions that represent material boundaries:
“I am willing to let you use my car, but I need it to be returned as you found it. A tidy car is important to me.”
A material boundary might also be making sure things are put back in a safe place or taking time to keep things well-maintained.
Spiritual Boundaries
A spiritual boundary is about having limits or preferences that support and honor your belief system.
Examples of Spiritual Boundaries
Examples of statements/actions that represent material boundaries:
“Thanks for the invitation to bring my family to church. However, church is not part of our value system.”
“I appreciate the offer, but that is not food that we eat within my culture/religion. I am happy to bring something I am able to eat.”
“I’d love to come, but that time is reserved for worship for me and my family. Perhaps there is another time that would work to get together?”
A spiritual boundary might also be praying before a meal or how you and your family chose to spend holidays.
Relationship Advice For Women
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